I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
