Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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