He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
my shit smells like andre
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
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