It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
