Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
