How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Randomize
