you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
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