How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I think your dad took our porno
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Bring me that man meat
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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