Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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