you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
