Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
