Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
