Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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