I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
