we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
