At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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