In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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