i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
