ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Come on in and take your pants off
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