I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
