I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
