Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
