do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
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