Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
