member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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