Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
try to milk me bitch
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
