my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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