you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
