Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
