This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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