the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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