sarcasm needs its own font
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
