my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
