drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
