Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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