we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
My ass is underappreciated
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Text me some of your sweat
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
