apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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