Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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