T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
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