I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
