We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
drinking out of a sandbucket again
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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