so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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