how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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