try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
