I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
