if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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