Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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