he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
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