Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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