quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
