I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Well I just put wine in my tea
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
