those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
